영어로 글 잘 쓰는 법 - Solution (3)

11 Nov 2017

논리와 수사를 담는 그릇, 혹은 논리라는 뼈대와 수사라는 근육을 그 안에 담는 피부라고 할 수 있는 표현에 대해 고민하면서 주어진 에세이를 고쳐보았나요? 깊게 생각해야만 사태를 명료하게 파악할 수 있고, 이러한 명료한 사고가 간단하고 명확한 표현에 이르는 유일한 길입니다. 이 점을 새기면서 제가 수정한 에세이를 읽어보기 바랍니다. 물론 제목을 다는 것도 잊어서는 안 되겠지요.

그리고 이 해 IEEC 논제가 선생님에게 제출하는 에세이를 쓰라는 점임을 잊으면 곤란합니다. 아마도 이 글을 읽는 학생들 거의 전부가 “영어로 글 잘 쓰는 법 – Exercise (3)”의 논제에서 “Write an essay for your teacher.”라는 문장은 보지도 않고 그냥 넘겼을 것입니다. 아래에 제가 수정해준 에세이를 쓴 학생은 선생님께 제출하는 에세이를 쓰라는 논제를 명확하게 파악했고, 바로 그 점이 이 학생이 꼼꼼하게 공부를 하는 학생이라는 증거가 되겠지요.

이 글을 읽는 학생들 모두 기왕에 해야 하는 공부라면, 좀 더 꼼꼼하게, 좀 더 성실하게, 좀 더 열정적으로, 좀 더 즐겁게, 그리고 궁극적으로 좀 더 행복하게 공부하기 바랍니다.

The Three Downsides of Mobile Addiction and the Solution for Them

Thanks to this, I wake up in the morning listening to music. This tells me that it is my friend’s birthday, and I can simply send a congratulatory message to her through this. After school, this shows me the time, and when I am bored, this offers me some kind of entertainment, such as playing a game or watching a new music video. My private tutor calls me on this and notices that she might be late. What could this be? This is a cellular phone, an indispensable device these days. Nowadays, cellular phones are even referred to as personal secretaries, since they offer trivial but significant functions. Nevertheless, its influence upon people, especially upon teenagers who are much more sensitive and more adaptable to new instruments than adults, should be thoroughly examined because of its shadow lying on the other side. This is exactly why teachers must be aware of the negative influences of cellular phones and instruct students to be independent, not to be dominated by their own appliances. Of all the negative effects, physical damages, behavioral disorders, and social delinquencies would be the most noticeable three downsides of addiction to cellular phone uses.

One of the most neglected, but probably the most destructible impediments that a habitual cellular phone user could undergo might be caused by electromagnetic waves emitted by cellular phones. Electromagnetic waves are known to cause some kind of hormone imbalance leading to headaches, amblyopia, amnesia, insomnia, etc. To make things worse, those disorders could develop into dementia and even cancer like leukemia. All of these negative impacts brought about by electromagnetic waves are not yet scientifically proved. The results of the experiments differ from one research institute to another. However, it is definitely better to prevent their influence before they actually do any harm. In England, just as a warning of the danger of smoking is printed on every pack of cigarettes, a warning stating the peril of electromagnetic waves is printed on all the machinery that emits it. Especially, their influences on teenagers who are not fully developed might be much more severe. What is more, some ailments caused by electromagnetic waves could bring up critical diseases without any sign of increasing pain.

Another side effect of frequent use of cellular phones might be behavioral indispositions. Particularly teenagers, who are yet mentally underdeveloped, are more likely to show these disorders. Some teenagers send more than a hundred of cellular phone messages a day. They sometimes definitely perceive a vibration of the phone, even when no new message has arrived. Another symptom such users experience is the cellular phone addiction. If one leaves his or her cell phone at home by accident, one is unable to be calm down and feels uneasy all day until he or she has checked the cell phone for messages. Cellular phones could also cause some kind of psychological problems, when teenagers depend too much on it. Rather than facing real people and talking directly to them, some teenagers even seem to be more used to sending cellular phone messages to their friends. In some case, some people are very talkative and cheerful only when sending messages, but completely different in face. These tendencies to rely on cellular phones too much could lead people to avoid conversations with others vis-à-vis.

When indulged into cellular phones, some adolescents without full-fledged self-control could not only bring up personal matters but also social problems. For example, certain addicted students use cellular phones continuously during classes or even to cheat on exams. Some addicts send messages and play mobile games even during lectures. Using cellular phones in classes not only distracts the user from the lecture but also other classmates from studying. What is more, last November, some senior high school students collectively cheated on the national College Scholastic Ability Test with cellular phones. These students misused the benefits of the convenient communication functions of cellular phones on the illegitimate purpose. It was very shocking that students took the very advantages of cellular phones to the crime, cheating on a national test.

The solutions for these disadvantages that cellular phones could bring need to be speculated in both personal and social categories. First of all, individually, the most important element would be the strong volition to reduce unnecessary use of cellular phones. Still, expecting teenagers to spontaneously understand the impacts of cellular phones on them and to reduce the frequency of using them might be considered highly idealistic. In spite of all the pessimistic anticipation, wearing watches and choosing a mobile charge system especially designed for students could be an effectual personal effort to keep cellular phones in a distance. Wearing watches prevents from looking at the cellular phone to check out the time. Also, when keeping in mind that the student charge system provides a limited amount of message, everyone consciously tries to utilize it only when sending it is inevitable. Like any other addictions, overcoming the cellular phone addiction requires great patience and will of the addicts themselves. Even though it may sound kind of ideal, it is the ultimate element that helps all of us to break away from the harmful effects of cellular phones.

Last but not least, for those students who cannot get away from the cellular phones’ temptation, a kind of institutional solution reserved by school could be helpful. Simply prohibiting using cellular phones in school and trusting students’ self-control, which is what most schools regard as the best policy these days, couldn’t really solve the problem. At a high school in Seoul, every morning all the cellular phones are taken away from everyone, including all the students as well as the teachers. It is quite controversial, but most students tend to acknowledge the necessity, instead of a great complaint of the school’s policy to ban the students from keeping their phones. Personal freedom should always be protected, and yet social obligation should always be fulfilled. In this case, social obligation might have a priority over personal freedom.

Despite all these downsides, the convenient functions of cellular phones must not be neglected, because people lead most of their lives in such a fast-changing contemporary society. Now, the cellular phone is not merely a portable phone, but at the same time, a watch, a scheduler, an emergency alarm messenger, an MP3 player, a camera, a GPS device, etc. Nearly is it impossible for the present generation to live without it. Meanwhile, some adolescents, who do not have a complete set of valuation system, abuse all of the advantages and create some kind of social problems. However, if users were self-restraint and used it only when necessary, and particularly, teachers helped students who cannot control themselves, the cellular phone could function on its original and useful purpose. This is why teachers, responsible to instruct students, should be well aware of the disadvantages and the advantages of the cellular phones and educate the teenagers to control themselves.